It is under a month until our big adventure into the great outdoors of the UK. For the last few days I have been trying to lock down our final couple of weeks. I was all about the planning back at the beginning of June, I managed to get the first few weeks planned with no problem: friends, Northumberland, more friends and a family get together in Legoland was a straightforward plan. We had some constrictions, the friends we were seeing and their availability, our families plans and our desire to go somewhere big and isolated very soon on our adventure.
Then I got paralysed by choice.
My brain froze as it tried to work out where we should go next. Should we head to the complete unknown? Pembrokeshire is calling me more and more as I think about places I have never been. Should we stick with retracing some of my childhood holidays as we seem to be at the moment? I just didn’t know. I have been frantically searching for the perfect site that offers fun stuff for the kids, space and beauty for us and a 5 min walk to the nearest beach. There don’t seem to be all that many of those. Or rather they are all booked up already or somewhere inaccessible to a motorhome or… Maybe my standards of perfection are too high. I found myself trying to live all the moments we will experience in the summer right now. I have felt the pressure of giving my family an amazing once in a lifetime thing and I forgot that really life doesn’t work like that.
I burbled some of my swirling thoughts to the husbandface in a brief moment of ability to talk coherently over lunch yesterday and he said these simple words.
“We don’t have to go everywhere now. We have time.”
Oh right. We have time. Lots of time. Time when some of the places I want to go will be way more fun than now. I imagine in a few years when the small ones can ride bikes without falling off that we will go to the New Forest and cycle around a lot. I imagine we can start to drag them up mountains pretty soon (well when son2 really is too old to even pretend that carrying him is an option). There are places to go that can wait.
I think I took my eye off the reason why we are going.
I need to reread our why we are going post lots over the next 4 weeks.
We are going to have fun. We are going to escape this life for a bit and gain some perspective. We are going to breathe deeper into family life together. We are going to try and help with our mental health. We are going to see friends and family and encourage and be encouraged.
We are going to try out motorhoming so we can return and dream dreams of van conversions as soon as we get any kind of money ever. We are going to try to live simple. We are going not so we can live through experiences but so we can live deeper with each other.
We are going to find space to remember the reason we do anything. We are going so we can taste the divine hand whose comfort we need right now. We are going to mark the end of one kind of season in son1’s life and the change into the next. We are going so we want to come home to our rooted community and our lovely house in our bowl of green just north of Brighton.
We are going because I need to want to return.
We aren’t going on a tour of every cool spot in the UK. And with that thought ringing in my brain I booked 4 nights at the end of our trip on a fairly large holiday park in Dorset (to be honest the kind I’ve been avoiding so far) because it had a cool playpark, lots of facilities, was 4 minutes walk from the beach and they do takeaway pizza on site. Other places can wait to be explored. A few days at the end of the trip on a beach might just be what the doctor ordered. We do at least want some kind of rest involved on our month away.
Angst moment over. I have one more night to book (I need to check we can stay for 4 nights at the above resort as I initially booked only for 3) and we are done. Then the packing lists and things we must remember lists can begin. Summer fun here we come.